THE MERCHANDISING

For all I can remember, I started going to school since my mamá had to start working. She said that she started working as soon as she signed the divorce papers, and that she didn't know she was pregnant with me. In other words, I started going to nursery as soon as I started weaning, and mamá was able to go back to work.

I remember when I was about to turn five, and a boy named Pablo Mendonza, started laughing at me, saying that I didn't have a father. I closed my hand and punched him in the face, right in the nose, and yelled that my papá was working in another country, that's what mamá told me about him. Pablo cried like a little baby, and the other children laughed a lot at him.

Of course, mamá was called into the school administration, along with Pablo's parents. They gathered in the principal's office, while Pablo and I sat outside. He came up to me and apologized for saying that about my father, so I apologized for hurting his nose.

We started talking and joking around. We were laughing together when the door to the principal's office opened. The four adults who came out of the door looked at us without understanding what was happening. And neither could they. We were children, and as such, innocent people who know how to forgive each other. Innocents who know how to ask for forgiveness.

"Yes," said the director after a while, with an amused half-smile and her hands on her waist. "It seems that the matter is settled. If the concern was that the children would be left with some trauma, they have worked it out among themselves…”

As we were talking, I found out that I was not the first child to hit Pablo, and therefore it was not the first time his daddies had come to talk to the principal. So his parents asked me if I had apologized to him, and when he said yes, his parents turned to my mamá and congratulated her, because I was much more polite than the other children there.

Pablo and I became friends, and nobody messed with him anymore, not even me, for fear of being beaten up by me. A few days later, he started bringing me his snacks in double, saying that his mamá sent some of them to me, because she was grateful that I was defending him from the other children.

I was in paradise... too bad this paradise didn't last that long. About three months later, my mamá started complaining of having headaches, and one day she fainted in the middle of the street while she was taking me to the playground to play with Pablo. It was a Sunday afternoon, we were crossing the street to the entrance of the playground.

Pablo and his parents, who were waiting at the entrance, saw that my mamá had fallen and ran to help. Pablo's papa, Señor Mendonza, carried my mamá in his arms to a bench on the sidewalk, where he sat her down. Señora Mendonza called 911; the ambulance arrived quickly, and we all went to the hospital. Mamá didn't wake up for twelve hours, even though the doctors were doing everything they could to wake her up.

Her test results came back in two hours, due to the emergency of the matter.

"What are you of the patient?” asked the doctor.

"Our children are school friends.” replied señora Mendonza. “They were playing on the playground when this happened.

"Do you know if she has any relatives?”

"We only know her daughter.” she answered, pointing at me.

"I think mamá has only me. I've never met any uncles or abuelos. What's going on with mamá, doctor?” I didn't talk about papa, because I had no idea how to talk to him, in case it was necessary.

“Then I will have to talk to you in private, if you agree.” the Mendonza nods. “Please come with me.”

They went into a room with the doctor. Pablo and I waited, sitting in the waiting room. When they returned, a woman came with them and sat down next to me.

“Hi, Hellen! How are you?” she asked with a smile.

“I'm worried about mamá. What happened to her?”

“Your mamá fainted because she has an ache. But we're going to take care of her, okay?”

“What's wrong with her?”

“She has a little ball on her head, and that's why she fainted. But we are going to take care of that little bump so that your mamá will be fine and not faint anymore. Do you know if she has a headache or if she has fainted before?”

“She has been saying that she has had a headache for a few days now, young lady. But she didn't mention any fainting. How big is this little ball? How did it get on mamá's head?”

“It's about the size of a dried pea bean. It's tiny. And with the treatment, she'll be fine. Do you understand?”

I nodded to her, and she smiled at me again. I returned her smile, believing that everything was going to stay with mamá. And it did. Mamá was treated twice a week with something called chemo. She was bald for a while, but said that she loved not having to comb her hair, when I asked her if she could let her hair grow.

“Can I shave my head too, mamá?” I asked, because I wanted the wonder of not having to worry about tangled hair.

“Better not, dear.” mamá smiled at me. “I love your curly hair! We don't have many of those in France. And you look gorgeous with your curls!” she added as I began to pout.

I accompanied my mamá almost every time she went to the hospital for treatment. And many times, I saw her vomit when they took the chemo needle out of the vein in her arm.

A few months went by, and the frequency that Mummy had to have the chemo procedure decreased to once a week, then to fifteen days. Another two months, and Mum was fine, said the doctor. The tumor had stabilized, and was unlikely to cause problems again. But he also said that he couldn't remove it, because it had developed in the central nervous system, and that if he tried to remove it, Mom could have serious consequences, that she could even be in a vegetative state, on a bed.

When I heard this, I didn't understand what the doctor meant, but the way he said it, made me realize that it wouldn't be a good thing. And when I asked mamá what that meant...

“Hellen, vegetative state is acting like a vegetable. What does a vegetable do?”

“I have never seen a vegetable do anything, mamá.” I answered after thinking for a while.

“That's what happens to a person in a vegetative state, dear. He doesn't do anything. He doesn't even think.”

“And, why do people do that?”

“When it happens to someone, it's not because the person wants it. It's as if the person is sick too.”

“Is turning into a vegetable a kind of disease?” I asked, wide-eyed. Mamá laughed softly.

“Yes, dear. It is a kind of disease. This is the best way to explain it to you now. I'll explain it to you better when you grow up and get older.”

So, about six to seven months after mamá had started the treatment, everything was fine again. Mamá went back to work, because during her treatment she had to take a leave of absence from work. And I went back to school every day, because I used to accompany her to the hospital, and I would stay with her the day after the treatment, because she was very ill. So I only went to the little school once in a while.

Mrs. Mendonza, along with the principal, organized a welcome back party for me. There were sweets, snacks, juice, soda and a delicious cake! It was like a birthday party! Only at school. So that day we had no class in our classroom, and the children from the other classrooms came to eat with us during the break. Our classroom was packed!

It was the most crowded party I have ever had! And I played the most, too, because there was never much room at home. Too bad Mom had to go to work and couldn't join us for the party.

This year went by a little fast. And mamá has already said that next year I'll be going to the first year of elementary school. She said that it is a new school and I will have new friends, but that maybe I will meet some friends from this school in the new school. I'm hoping to meet only the coolest ones. I'm hoping that Pablo will also go to the new school, so that I can continue to protect him.